Desultory Dr.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

To Blog or Not To Blog...

Why do people blog?

I guess the reasons are as different and numerous as the people that partake in the activity.

I think what has taken me so long to start is the fear of being misunderstood. A lot of pain in my life as been caused by my intentions being misunderstood; both by my own self as well as other's perceptions.

Games. I detest interpersonal games. I guess in a lot of ways the games other people play affect me more than I realize. They affect me because at some point I became aware of them. Once I became aware that people were not always what they presented themselves to be, I became afraid that others would feel that I wasn't being genuine about who I was. I know at least one person, who will remain nameless, that felt this way. And even though I didn't much like him either, it still broke my heart to be misunderstood, and worse unbelievable.

I tried it once, and lost a dear friend. My feelings regarding the games that people play were reinforced. The joys of expirencing life as yourself, far out weights the burden of keeping up appearances.

So, what does that have to do with blogs? If you have no contact with the outside world except with your close personal friends, then the risk of being misunderstood is lessened. The more you allow of yourself to be seen, the more potential for pain due the possibility of rejection and/or apathy exists. But you also limit your fellowship with other people.

I don't like bringing attention to myself. In a lot of ways, I supposed that having a blog for the world to see is very much like talking too loud at a restaurant so that other people will overhear what you are talking about. Like anyone else cares!

I see people all the time that act as if at that very moment they are starring in their own personal movie or reality show. For a while, a blog felt like a key ingredient to the personal movie of your life. I feel these people are shallow; like they can't be happy unless they feel important.

I don't like to impose. For awhile I guess I thought that taking up web space just for me to prattle on is imposing on someone else's eyeballs.

But in the end, there is always a way to justify it. I know that not everyone that has a blog feels or acts in any or all of the instances I have mentioned. I just don't want people to believe I am doing it for any of those reasons. So, what are my reasons?

I just want to think outloud. Not loudly. Just enough to be heard. And hopefully, just maybe... I will be able to simply share and commune with a friend.

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